Review: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Movie: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Main Actors: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Optimus Prime and Megatron (For a complete list, see IMDB)

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: There are more of these kinds of expletives in this sequel than in the first film mostly due to the fact that the military plays a larger role in this film. However. . .

Useless Vulgar Language: . . .This kind of language ballooned to epic proportions when compared with the first one, and was used for the same purpose as in the first one: Humor. And, remarkably, the laugh out loud moments of this one went down. Sometimes it got to the point where I just wanted to push the mute button.

Sex in a Good Light: Non-existent.

Sex in a Bad Light: This took up about an hour's worth of footage from the film and of those 60 minutes 58 of them were of Megan fox running in slow motion while being very "unsupported." The other two minutes were from an un-introduced and never seen again female looking slutty college girl. When it comes to pointless erotic scenes this one takes the cake. This girl makes no sense, has no bearing on the story line and left me confused for the rest of the movie. My best guess is that the Blond Girl Workers Union forced her to be put in the film because so much of it was focused on a brunette girl.

Manly Violence: Because of the uptick in Military scenes using the same Special Operations group that was in the first movie, there is also an increase in Manly Violence. There is, in fact, an improvement in the quality of the fights between the military and the robots as Michael Bay somehow convinced the military to let them show all of their cool toys. Pretty much every advanced piece of military equipment is shown in the movie, including pieces that don’t exist yet. If they could have cut everything else out of this movie and just left in the military parts, it would have been short, but it would have been great.

Action Violence: Again, this is Transformers, the whole premise of the film is centered around robot on robot action. The special effects were great, some of the new robot designs and visualizations were awesome and the style of filming stayed consistent to the first movie.

Pointless Violence: For all of its many, many faults, pointless violence wasn’t one of them.

Manly Rating: D-

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: F
Acting: C

Food to Watch With: Watch with a bucket, because the sheer pointlessness of this movie will make you want to throw up. So. . .no, eating is not advised.

Plot Synopsis: Was there a plot, if there was, I missed it?

Review: Since it was the only good part of the movie I will mention it again. The military scenes were thought-out and well-acted. The rest was a steaming pile of oil. Whoever edited the movie has a heavy finger on the slow motion button when Megan Fox was around and the Star Wars rip-off scene that occurred in space between the two evil masterminds, whether intended or unintended was so bad that Luke Skywalker would have rolled over in his grave. My biggest problem with this movie however is the saddest. This movie could have been great. With just a little more focus on plot, the interactions between the main characters (specifically Shia and his family) and with a much better editor, we could have had a summer blockbuster that wasn’t just watched because it was Transformers and everyone was going to see it. Because let's face it; this movie could have made our eyeballs explode in our heads and we will still go see the third one because it is TRANSFORMERS. Fortunately a lot of the cast and crew seems to share my opinion about this movie (according to the papers anyway). That gives me hope, because I desperately want a Transformers movie that rocks.

Life Lessons: HA HA HA HA HA HA.

Summary: All in all, a very terrible movie.

Would I Watch This Again: Only if they make a third movie and I spend a day watching the entire trilogy. Even then, I might do something else while it is playing, like play ping pong, or take a nap.