Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Movie: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Main Actors: Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, Optimus, Megatron, and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: Some, not as many as in the past films (it felt that way anyway).

Useless Vulgar Language: Also seemed diminished from the last film, but I was pretty amped for this one so I’m not sure I trust my judgment on that.

Sex in a Good Light: Maybe if it was opposite day.

Sex in a Bad Light: Not as much as the second one, but it was there. I mean come on, they had a Victoria's Secret model with no acting experience take on one of the main roles, what else would you expect.

Manly Violence: Tons done by the military characters

Action Violence: I’m going to count all the violence done by Shia and Patrick Dempsey in this chategory because they were both sissy whiners. What's that you say, I didn’t mention that Patrick was in this movie. Oops, I must have forgotten about him in the same way he has forgotten where he put his manhood..

Pointless Violence: I didn’t see any of this.

Manly Rating: A (again, because of the military scenes)

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A+ (they have gotten better with each movie)
Sound/Score: A
Story: C
Acting: F (unless I'm ranking the acting of the robots in which case it was a B)

Food to Watch With: Lots and lots of cheese.

Plot Synopsis: Space robots continue fighting over us poor earthlings.

Review: I’ll just say this upfront. The 3D was awesome. The robot on robot fights were awesome and the military on robot fights were awesome. Anytime a human actor that was not part of the military was in the scene it got stupid. Shia’s character went from being a 16 year old in the second movie to a 12 year old in this one. Bay had some extra Africa footage leftover from somewhere and decided to put it in this movie. Navy Seals just kind of swim around the rivers of Chicago and Megatron can be convinced to act like a toddler by a girl who thinks that painting her pants on is the epitome of awesomeness. Did this review seem disjointed, well, now you know what the movie was like... Just like the others, some parts were awesome, some parts were terrible but you better believe if more robot aliens show up to make us their human toy puppets I will pay 15 dollars to sit in a chair for three hours eating five hour old popcorn. I love you Optimus.

Life Lessons: Even though robots are made out of metal it does not hurt when you are slammed against them and Victoria's Secret models show no emotion even when the world is being destroyed.

Summary: Same as the other two, wanted more of one thing and less of another.

Would I Watch This Again: Maybe in 3D.