Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Movie: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Main Actors: James Franko and Andy Serkis

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: A few, nothing to really speak of.

Useless Vulgar Language: Again, language was not a big deal in this movie, there was very little script at all in point of fact.

Sex in a Good Light: Except for a young couple lying on a picnic blanket there was no sex in this movie.

Sex in a Bad Light: Right back at ya!

Manly Violence: Okay. I'm going to get some grief for this, but yes. There was manly violence, most done by monkey. I know, I know. Monkeys are not men...but this is a sci-fi movie and monkeys...ouch, ouch, ouch okay, okay...apes; the apes were given super-cool looking chemicals to become smarter so you have to view it through the context of intelligent beings. And, through that lens, there was manly violence.

Action Violence: Surprisingly enough, I don't think there was.

Pointless Violence: Nope.

Manly Rating: B+ (who would've thought)

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: B+
Acting: Franko = B, Serkis = A+

Food to Watch With: COOKIES!!!!

Plot Synopsis: Apes become smart, get ticked off and begin their ascention to the top of the food chain 'cause Charlton Heston isn't around to lay the smack down.

Review: I went into this movie with low expectations. The re-make of the original Planet of the Apes with Mark Wahlberg was so terrible and creepy (yes creepy, he kisses an ape) that I wanted to eat five Big Macs (and maybe some fries) to fill the gaping hole of sadness inside me. I had some hope that this would be better as Serkis was going to be doing the main ape roles and boy did he deliver. Franko did his usual job, nothing super great, but not bad and I was surprised to see John Lithgow and David Hewlett (from Stargate Atlantis); but, Serkis stole the show. Most of the movie was focused on the Apes and it was done very well. The movie was kept at a small scale, there was no massive world war, just the start of smart apes and a corresponding virus that will kill everybody. All in all, good movie. Good to see in the theater, but also just as good to see at home on your TV while being in close proximity to the fridge.
The only thing that I was a little upset about was they let some little punk kid say Heston's famous line from the original; that was not cool.

Life Lessons: Maybe Los Angeles should buy more police helicopters.

Summary: Good movie, worth watching and entertaining.

Would I Watch This Again: Does Heston think apes are dirty?

Kick Ass

Movie: Kick Ass

Main Actors: Aaron Johnson, Chloe Moretz and Nicolas Cage

MPAA Rating: R (deserved)

Passionate Expressions: Yes, lots of this. It is touchy with this movie, trying to determine what was needed and what wasn’t. There were bad men in this movie, there was a little girl as well. I think I will say that most of it was passionate but..

Useless Vulgar Language: Some did go over the top. Viewer be warned there is a young girl in this movie that is the source of some of the roughest language. I will say that it is consistent with the story, her situation and what was trying to be portrayed.

Sex in a Good Light: Not really

Sex in a Bad Light: There are some scenes that could have been left out. There is one nude scene when the main character goes to the National Geographic web site and there is some near nudity and teenage sexual relationships.

Manly Violence: All of it.

Action Violence: Nope, it was all manly

Pointless Violence: Nope again. This movie was NINJA!

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A+
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Fried Chicken and a milkshake (I don’t have to tell you why, its my review and I’ll write what I want).

Plot Synopsis: Young man tries to become the world’s first super-hero.

Review: This movie touched so many areas. If I was trying to describe what the movie was about I would say it is Batman if it was done for real. If I’m trying to describe what this movie was meant to portray I’m sure Christians would be in fist fights in the streets. However, because I enjoy fist fights I will try to describe it anyway. To understand why they filmed this movie with so much violence and language I think a clear understanding of movie good guys and bad guys is needed. You can find my report on them here. Anyway, now that you have read my super-long spiel about good and bad guys I will continue my review. Yes, there is a lot of cursing and violence in this movie. But, when good and evil fight each other it usually isn’t an intellectual fight. I don’t want to give any of the movie away to anyone who is going to watch it, I will only say a couple things. This movie is awesome, it is sad, it is painfully honest and it has crap in it that it didn’t need. Watch with caution, know what you believe and pay attention to the message.


Life Lessons: A neoprene suit does not a super-hero make.

Summary: Awesome movie……just awesome.

Would I Watch This Again: Without a doubt.

Friends With Benefits

Movie: Friends With Benefits

Main Actors: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: I didn't see this movie.

Useless Vulgar Language: Honestly, I didn't see it.

Sex in a Good Light: I doubt it.

Sex in a Bad Light: I'm pretty sure that is what this movie is about.

Manly Violence: I don't think Timberlake is capable of manly violence, maybe Kunis is though.

Action Violence: Maybe

Pointless Violence: Probebly not

Manly Rating: F-

Scorecard
Cinematography: NA
Visual Effects: NA
Sound/Score: NA
Story: F
Acting: NA

Food to Watch With: Stay home and have dinner with friends or your wife instead.

Plot Synopsis: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake do thier own version of "Love and Other Drugs" and "No Strings Attached" to prove to everyone they are just as slutty.

Review: I can hear it now. "You didn't see this movie, how can you judge it". All those dudes out there who are like, "I went to see it cause Kunis is a great actress." or "There was a story behind it, a love story, which you wouldn't know because you didn't see it." Well, I'm going to have the toss the bull**** card your way. That's like saying you go to Hooters for the wings (I cannot tell you how many times I've heard that), its stupid, dis-honest and insulting. Kunis might be a great actress, and who knows, there might be an okay story hidden in there. But that "good" story was not why they made this movie, that is not what they advertised and that is not what people went to see. The obvious point of this movie was sex and sex and sex without consequence. Shame on the studio for producing the movie, shame on the actors for being in it and shame on you if you went to see it. If you didn't go see it for the obvious reasons, try to keep others from going and keep up the good fight staying away from these things. Also, to those that did go: those weren't Kunis's boobs, they were a doubles so you lose twice. Losers.

Life Lessons: If you went to this movie, your life lesson is that you need Jesus.

Summary: I think I've summed it up pretty good

Top 10 Worst Romantic Movies since 1980

Top 10 Worst Romantic Movies since 1980

1. Titanic
2. Pearl Harbor
3. Love and Other Drugs
4. Dear John
5. Friends With Benefits
6. Pretty Woman
7. My Best Friends Wedding
8. Somethings Gotta Give
9. Wedding Crashers
10. Good Luck Chuck

Top 10 Romantic Movies since 1980

Top 10 Best Romantic Movies since 1980

1. Sleepless in Seattle
2. Return to Me
3. You’ve Got Mail
4. A Walk to Remember
5. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
6. While you were sleeping
7. The Princess Bride
8. Up
9. Sabrina
10. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Movie: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Main Actors: Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel, Optimus, Megatron, and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: Some, not as many as in the past films (it felt that way anyway).

Useless Vulgar Language: Also seemed diminished from the last film, but I was pretty amped for this one so I’m not sure I trust my judgment on that.

Sex in a Good Light: Maybe if it was opposite day.

Sex in a Bad Light: Not as much as the second one, but it was there. I mean come on, they had a Victoria's Secret model with no acting experience take on one of the main roles, what else would you expect.

Manly Violence: Tons done by the military characters

Action Violence: I’m going to count all the violence done by Shia and Patrick Dempsey in this chategory because they were both sissy whiners. What's that you say, I didn’t mention that Patrick was in this movie. Oops, I must have forgotten about him in the same way he has forgotten where he put his manhood..

Pointless Violence: I didn’t see any of this.

Manly Rating: A (again, because of the military scenes)

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A+ (they have gotten better with each movie)
Sound/Score: A
Story: C
Acting: F (unless I'm ranking the acting of the robots in which case it was a B)

Food to Watch With: Lots and lots of cheese.

Plot Synopsis: Space robots continue fighting over us poor earthlings.

Review: I’ll just say this upfront. The 3D was awesome. The robot on robot fights were awesome and the military on robot fights were awesome. Anytime a human actor that was not part of the military was in the scene it got stupid. Shia’s character went from being a 16 year old in the second movie to a 12 year old in this one. Bay had some extra Africa footage leftover from somewhere and decided to put it in this movie. Navy Seals just kind of swim around the rivers of Chicago and Megatron can be convinced to act like a toddler by a girl who thinks that painting her pants on is the epitome of awesomeness. Did this review seem disjointed, well, now you know what the movie was like... Just like the others, some parts were awesome, some parts were terrible but you better believe if more robot aliens show up to make us their human toy puppets I will pay 15 dollars to sit in a chair for three hours eating five hour old popcorn. I love you Optimus.

Life Lessons: Even though robots are made out of metal it does not hurt when you are slammed against them and Victoria's Secret models show no emotion even when the world is being destroyed.

Summary: Same as the other two, wanted more of one thing and less of another.

Would I Watch This Again: Maybe in 3D.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part II)

Movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallow’s (Part II)

Main Actors: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint and Emma Watson

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: A few. Nothing worth mentioning.

Useless Vulgar Language: Again, nothing worth mentioning.

Sex in a Good Light: There was some kissing, but there was nothing very sexual about this movie.

Sex in a Bad Light: I agree with myself in the above statement.

Manly Violence: Yes

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A-

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: A-
Acting: A-

Food to Watch With: Tea and Crumpets.

Plot Synopsis: Boy/man wizard defeats evil undead ugly wizard in a climatic showdown that destroys Hogwarts.

Review: Let me start this off by being honest. I have never seen any of the previous Harry Potter movies and I have never read the books. At first I didn’t watch them because I wasn’t in the country, then I figured I would read the books first and before I knew it the last one was out and I had no idea about anything. So, I went to go see this one so I could at least see one of them in the theater. Don’t worry Potter fans, I won’t comment on the story too much until I’ve seen the other ones. I will say that I enjoyed it. It was darker and more of a mature story then I thought it would be and I felt that it was acted and directed well. It is always nice to see a story as vast as this one given the time it needs to be successful. The filming was not rushed and the audience was given time to mull over not just what the characters were saying but how they were saying it. At times I felt like I was watching a tragedy and I was able to piece enough of the back-story together to get a little choked up at times. This is a great movie to watch with your kids when you are wanting them to start understanding more serious movies. While I wouldn’t say it was as good as Lord of the Rings, I would place it in the same realm and I would say it did deserve the applause the audience gave at the end of the movie.

Life Lessons: Bad guys, just like good guys, need to get better at determining when their enemy is actually dead.

Summary: Great movie that dealt with tough subjects and carried a lot of emotion and maturity

Would I Watch This Again: Yep, once I get done watching the others.

Top 20 Manly Movies of All Time

Top 20 All-Time Manly Movies

1. Black Hawk Down
2. Saving Private Ryan
3. Tears of the Sun
4. Predator
5. Battle: Los Angeles
6. Braveheart
7. Unforgiven
8. 300
9. High Noon
10. Cliffhanger
11. Die Hard
12. Gladiator
13. Man on Fire
14. Star Wars IV
15. The Lord of the Rings – Return of the King
16. Indian Jones – Raiders of the Lost Ark
17. U-571
18. The Great Escape
19. The Dark Knight
20. First Blood

Top 5 Manly Movies of 2010

2010 Most Manly Movies (top 5)

1. The Expendables
2. Robin Hood
3. Predetors
4. The Crazies
5. True Grit

Worst Movies of 2010

2010 Worst Movies of the Year

1. Valentines Day
2. Hot Tub Time Machine
3. MacGruber
4. Sex and the City 2
5. Twilight: Eclipse
6. The Last Airbender
7. Eat, Pray, Love
8. The American
9. Little Fockers
10. Love and Other Drugs

Honorable Mentions of 2010

2010 Honorable Mentions

1. Book of Eli
2. Daybreakers
3. Legion
4. The Crazies
5. Alice in Wonderland
6. Date Night
7. Despicable Me
8. Red
9. True Grit
10. Tron

Top Ten Movies of 2010

Top 10 Movies of 2010

1. Inception
2. Robin Hood
3. The Expendables
4. Iron Man 2
5. Tangled
6. Toy Story 3
7. Predators
8. The Other guys
9. How to Train Your Dragon
10. Shutter Island

Unstoppable

Movie: Unstoppable

Main Actors: Denzel Washington and Chris Pine

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: Yes, lots of them.

Useless Vulgar Language: Also lots of these, many more then I was expecting for a PG-13 movie.

Sex in a Good Light: Not really

Sex in a Bad Light: Denzel’s Daughters work at Hooters, but that is about all.

Manly Violence: There is a little. Mostly the movie was a suspenseful thriller.

Action Violence: Not really

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: B+

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: C+
Story: B
Acting: B

Food to Watch With: Maybe a Subway sandwich cause it is long, like a train.

Plot Synopsis: Runaway train threatens a town in Penn. Railway workers step in to save the day.

Review: This movie was pretty simple for a change, not a lot of ins and outs, just a runaway train that needs some stopping. For the train lover in me it was fun to see so many of them and Tony Scott does a good job letting you feel the weight and size of the trains (although after the 50th Bruckheimer fly-by I was getting a little tired of them) There was a little bit of a political statement about evil corporate greed, but mostly the movie just focused on the heroics of two men that saw what needed to be done and just did it. It’s not a long movie so you don’t have to spend a lot of time planning to watch it and it's not too hard hitting so your wife might even want to watch it with you.

Life Lessons: Railroad accidents can be avoided if you're not a fat guy. (watch the movie, you’ll see what I mean).

Summary: Good strong movie, not the greatest, but certainly a story about heroes.

Would I Watch This Again: Yep, If I’m in the mood for something short.

Vertical Limit

Movie: Vertical Limit

Main Actors: Chris O’Donnell and Robin Tunney

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: A few, but for the most part the story was not believable enough to warrant many.

Useless Vulgar Language: Lots more than was called for.

Sex in a Good Light: Nope

Sex in a Bad Light: Both in words and partial nudity, sex was not treated well.

Manly Violence: There is some. Chris O’Donnell’s character seemed centered around this kind of violence.

Action Violence: This is what mostly comprised the movie. I think this movie tried to be an amped up PG-13 version of Cliffhanger, but instead was closer to the standard Hollywood disaster movie, kind of like The Core.

Pointless Violence: Didn’t really see any of this either.

Manly Rating: C

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: C
Story: C-
Acting: B-

Food to Watch With: Andes Mints, cause it says Andes on the box, like the mountains.

Plot Synopsis: Evil Texan billionaire tries to climb K2 and gets his team into a heap of trouble. Meanwhile a conflicted O’Donnell tries to rescue his sister who is trapped with the Evil Texan.

Review: I won’t waste too much of your time with this one. Don’t discard this movie, if you are looking for a movie to just sit back and be entertained without the kids then this one works. It is a pure action/adventure movie that doesn’t really have a point and was smart enough to not spend too long on the sappy parts. Whenever I feel in an outdoorsy mood and I just want to kick back for a while I might think about watching this one. But again, there are some parts in this one that might make you think twice before watching this one with your kids. Watch it first yourself before you watch it with your family.

Life Lessons: Scott Glenn is tougher then you are.

Summary: Decent action movie that was geared more toward the teenager then the adult.

Would I Watch This Again: Once in a blue moon.

Zombieland

Movie: Zombieland

Main Actors: Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Yes, there are a lot of very passionate ways of asking the undead not to eat you.

Useless Vulgar Language: There was and I think 99% of it was from Woody Harrelson.

Sex in a Good Light: Sort of. There was a first kiss that I thought was shown well…

Sex in a Bad Light: ... However, they were implying in the film that it would go further just cause it could. Also, there is a stripper zombie, there is a lot going on the screen when she appears and if you look away for a few seconds you won’t have to see her and you won’t miss anything.

Manly Violence: Believe it or not, there was.

Action Violence: Most of the movie. A lot of pointless zombie violence (yes, there is such a thing as non-pointless zombie violence) is moved to the action violence category because it was done with humor as the intention. It is a comedy after all.

Pointless Violence: A lot more of this then most zombie movies in vivid and dramatic colors.

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Twinkies (don’t even think of reaching for a Ding-dong or Ho-Ho)

Plot Synopsis: Four people become friends in a world over-run by zombies.

Review: Ahhhh, the zombie world. Why does it fascinate so. I’m going to give you my personal opinion of zombie movies and zombies in general and then you can weigh your own opinion against that and take what you will from this review. I like the idea of zombies. I like the idea of being alone on the planet and having to survive like it was back in the stone age, also, I view zombies as people who are already dead, so I would not be fighting people, I would just be fighting walking disease puppets. I like some zombie books like “World War Z” and “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” but the filmed world is a bit different. When I was small my brother and I stayed up late once (we weren’t supposed to) watching TV and we happened to watch an 1980’s Zombie movie. I don’t remember what it was, and it made me sick to my stomach for three days. Well, it also could have been the half-gallon of ice-cream and twenty cookies I ate but I think it was the movie. It was too much, it was too disgusting; what can I say, I don’t like watching people eat other people. The older types of zombie movies were nothing but that, very long scenes of people eating people, it makes me queasy now just thinking about it. Then, during the late 90’s a change started to happen. Filmmakers started changing how they made zombie movies. They made the zombies more of a plot driver then the plot itself. From Resident Evil, to 28 Days Later, the zombies were the motivations for the protagonist and the long drawn out human consumption scenes were replaced by quicker, more action violence oriented scenes and as a consequence I could watch most of the movie without covering my eyes. Then, Zombies started to take a turn to the Action/comedy role and I have enjoyed that role much better. So like I said, use all that to determine how I am rating this movie. Overall I thought the movie was one of the funniest movies of the decade. It was a little gratuitous in violence and gore and there were some scenes I looked away from but the movie had a lot of heart, some great acting, and it was laugh out loud funny. I loved it and I don’t know if they will ever be able to produce another zombie movie that is better.

Life Lessons: Woody Harrelson is a kick-butt zombie killer.

Summary: Very funny movie that is boarder line on the gore.

Would I Watch This Again: Yes, but I would be careful who I watched it with and I need breaks in between watching it to give my stomach time to stabilize.

300

Movie: 300

Main Actors: Gerard Butler and Awesomeness

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Nope

Useless Vulgar Language: Nope, mostly just a lot of yelling and screaming and growling and roaring.

Sex in a Good Light: Hard one. Yes there is, the married sexual relationship between the King and his Queen is shown the way it should be, active. But….

Sex in a Bad Light: We don’t need to see that, and we don’t need to see the other two scenes where there are naked people either. If you are getting to a scene where it looks like there will be sex, there probably will be, look away for a while, it isn’t too hard to tell when it is over. However, always err on the side of caution, no movie, no matter how incredible, is worth event the slightest slip.

Manly Violence: This whole movie is manly violence, even while they are just talking.

Action Violence: The violence was stylized but no, I don’t think that counts as action violence.

Pointless Violence: No, in fact, most of the violence was done with something pointy.

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: I would say eat what the Spartans eat, which is probebly the flesh of their enemies, but you might not get away with that, so how about Meatloaf.

Plot Synopsis: 300 Spartans, led by Gerard Butler, defend Sparta from an invading army while the political and religious bodies are corrupted and indecisive. (Hmmmm, that sounds familiar)

Review: Was this movie 100% historically accurate. Nope. Was it maybe even 30% accurate. Probably not. There were times when the movie almost seemed like a fantasy. Was the idea behind the story being portrayed. Absolutely. Don’t let the people who wanted 100% accuracy take this movie down. They never said it was accurate. What they were doing was telling a story, probably the way big Spartans told it to little Spartans as they sat huddled around a fire looking very muscular. I’ve never seen pure, unbridled manliness portrayed so well and unashamedly before in a movie. In a word, awesome. I will put a couple of disclaimers out there though. 1. If you watch this with your wife, expect her to tell you to start working out, because odds are you don’t look like those guys in the movie. 2. If you struggle with looking away during sex scenes in movies or you are in a place where you are really being tempted, don’t watch this movie, it isn’t worth it. 3. Don’t start thinking that men are always supposed to act that way, but also don’t start thinking that they are not ever supposed to act that way.

Life Lessons: Spartans have perfectly white teeth.

Summary: Great movie, maybe watch it with a group of guys to keep each other accountable

Would I Watch This Again: Yes and I want a Spartan loin cloth too.

Armageddon

Movie: Armageddon

Main Actors: Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Billy Bob Thornton and Liv Tyler

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: Not many.

Useless Vulgar Language: Enough to push the PG-13 boundries.

Sex in a Good Light: Nope.

Sex in a Bad Light: Just cause you are engaged does not mean sex is okay yet and Vegas strip clubs will always be considered in this category. The Vegas scene is pretty pointless and easily avoidable. And for the “engaged” scene between Affleck and Tyler, just turn away whenever Affleck tries to get all mushy. While I’m thinking off it, that would be a good thing to do in every movie he is in. Believe me, I’m doing you a favor.

Manly Violence: There was some, it was an “earth about to be destroyed by giant asteroid” movie.

Action Violence: There was some, it was an “earth about to be destroyed by giant asteroid” movie.

Pointless Violence: Didn’t notice any

Manly Rating: B

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B+
Story: C
Acting: C

Food to Watch With: WAFFLES!!!

Plot Synopsis: Giant asteroid is coming to destroy the earth and Bruce Willis is all that stands in its way

Review: What can I say about this movie. It’s a popcorn flick. The script was a series of slapstick jokes interrupted by Willis trying to look super-serious, er, normal. The special affects were fun, the adventure was good, there were some laugh out loud moments and even some times that stirred a little emotion. On the flip side, the cheesy moments were off the charts. Sex stuff was thrown in there just to be there and the unified world thing was a bit pushed. Also, I don’t remember everything being so blue

Life Lessons: Ben Affleck might think he’s a hero, but he’s not. He’s just a whiny girl.

Summary: Good movie to watch if you literally have nothing else to do, no kids around, and you don’t mind having your brain overloaded for a couple hours.

Would I Watch This Again: I probably wouldn’t choose it, no.

Avatar

Movie: Avatar

Main Actors: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana and Sigourney Weaver

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: A few here and there.

Useless Vulgar Language: Again, a few here and there, the language is not anything worth mentioning in this movie

Sex in a Good Light: Nope

Sex in a Bad Light: Sex is not good just cause Mother Nature approves, in fact it is kind of creepy. Mate little lab rats, mate.

Manly Violence: This movie had a lot of this, done well, and thought out.

Action Violence: Not really

Pointless Violence: Don’t remember any.

Manly Rating: C

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A+++
Sound/Score: B
Story: D
Acting: B

Food to Watch With: Watching this movie made me want Jello, so Jello it is.

Plot Synopsis: The evil white man tries to put a smack down on the wonderful, perfect natives.

Review: There is probably little about this movie that I could tell you that you probably don’t know already. Is this a visual/imaginative cinematic masterpiece….YES! Was this the Amazing story of the year…….HAHAHAHAHA…NO! If you want to know what this movie is about, go watch Disney’s Pocahontas and when you are done throwing up you will know the entire plot/story/script/agenda of Avatar. Just because you have a big budget James Cameron doesn't mean you are doing anything more then the fuzzy things in my belly button could do with one lint strand tied behind their back.

Life Lessons: If you are the “Evil White Guy”, even if you are super-awesome, James Cameron will kill you.

Summary: If you are going to see this movie, it should be on a large 3D screen, the visuals are worth suffering the story/preaching for.

Would I Watch This Again: In a 3D theater, yes. Anywhere else, no.

Battle: Los Angeles

Movie: Battle: Los Angeles

Main Actors: Aaron Eckhart, Michelle Rodriguez and Bridget Moynahan

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (yeah right, I don’t know how this movie got that rating but it should have been R)

Passionate Expressions: Many of these, basically every combination.

Useless Vulgar Language: I don’t think so, the whole movie is basically constant combat.

Sex in a Good Light: No sex in this movie

Sex in a Bad Light: No sex in this movie

Manly Violence: Yes. The kind that you can only find in the US Military

Action Violence: Nope, it was all manly

Pointless Violence: Again, nope.

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: You’ve already eaten, get back to work.

Plot Synopsis: A platoon of Marines attempts to rescue some civilians when aliens attack earth, presumably for our water.

Review: Best movie of the Year and certainly one of the best movies ever. During this movie I tried to hide in my chair, I stood and cheered, I bawled like a little girl and I tried to fist bump the people around me many times (a few bumped back). There have been a lot of military movies in the past few decades. Most of them were very degrading to the military, made by people who didn’t have a clue how the military acts and thinks, or they focused in on the .01% of bad eggs that are in the ranks. Some movies spent the time to make the movies technically and tactically proficient and were nice enough to show them as good guys like Black Hawk Down, Saving Private Ryan and Tears of the Sun. But this movie actually, I would say, for the first time, did the military justice by giving it 100%. Not only did they attempt to give them tactics (which is hard considering it is an alien invasion movie) but they got the Military right. They did their homework and found out how these guys are 99.9% of the time, how they are dedicated and how they are patriotic and how much they care about each other and how much they are like everyday ordinary Americans. I usually only read critic reviews before I go into a movie then read everyone’s review when I come out and at first I was amazed by how much the critics hated this movie in the reviews. I figured that it was just going to be another Skyline, a so-so movie and I was not expecting much. Boy were I and they wrong. I think they don’t like it because they hate America and they like to see the good guys as the bad guys. Usually they can hide that but this movie was too blatant for them to ignore. I will say this movie is intense and not for the squeamish, it was non-stop, start to finish. I’m not going to say too much about the movie’s plot, I really want you to experience it for yourself.

Life Lessons: America’s military is not Full Metal Jacket, it is Battle: Los Angeles

Summary: AWESOME

Would I Watch This Again: My only fear about watching it again is that it might get me to rejoin the military

Black Hawk Down

Movie: Black Hawk Down

Main Actors: Josh Hartnett (stupidest decision ever), Ewan McGregor, Tom Sizemore, and Eric Bana

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Yes, there are many of these.

Useless Vulgar Language: Considering the context of the film, maybe one or two.

Sex in a Good Light: Non-existent

Sex in a Bad Light: Wasn’t in the movie

Manly Violence: The whole movie was manly violence

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: Some salad and fried chicken.

Plot Synopsis: The story of the Army Rangers in Mogadishu.

Review: Very rarely does Hollywood 1. ask the military for help with a movie and actually mean it. And 2. Try to make a somewhat accurate war movie (anymore anyway). When I saw that this movie was coming out I was excited, I knew the story and it had been a long time since some of our nations heroes were honored. Then I saw it was a Bruckheimer film and I was filled with anxiety that this would be turned into a Rock-like picture. It wasn’t (I personally think we have Ridley Scott to thank for that), it was wonderful, well, wonderful in its own right. It was filmed well, they brought the Army in on what they did, stayed with the actual story quite well, didn’t add too much soldier interaction drama so as not to paint anyone in a bad light and did a great job of showing what urban combat could be like. It is a very violent and bloody movie that shows you everything, a lot like Saving Private Ryan. Would I recommend this movie, yes. Maybe one of the ways that people can better relate to active and discharged war veterans is having at least a little bit of an idea of what they went through. On that note, don’t leave that to the movies to teach you. Go and find out the truth for yourself, go talk to them.

Life Lessons: American soldiers kick butt.

Summary: Great movie that stays simple and doesn’t try to change things too much to make better visual effects.

Would I Watch This Again: Yes

Cast Away

Movie: Cast Away

Main Actors: Tom Hanks and Helen Hunt

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: Yes there was some

Useless Vulgar Language: I don’t remember any, if there was it slipped right past me

Sex in a Good Light: This movie doesn’t really have anything to do with sex

Sex in a Bad Light: Not really

Manly Violence: There wasn’t really violence in this film, there are some scenes where Tom Hanks has to deal with painful things and I guess they could be considered in this category

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Something with coconut in it

Plot Synopsis: A fed-ex employee is stranded on a deserted island for a very, very long time.

Review: I’ve read Robinson Crusoe and I really liked the book although I’ve always wondered if it could be made into a movie. Like Swiss Family Robinson I don’t think that the style of writing and sense of adventure could easily be converted into a film. That’s why I like how they did Cast Away, they did it their own way. Tom Hanks puts in an amazing performance and is pretty much the only one in the movie. I can understand people who thought this movie was boring, if getting lost at sea was never a childhood imagination you had or if you have never spent hours thinking about it, how you would do it and what it would be like then this movie would be incredibly boring. There is not amazing action, no super-witty dialog. Just one man going through the rigors of living off the land and going slowly bonkers because of a lack of human contact. It is a brilliant movie, it is a well thought out movie and it is a slow movie. I liked it and I would recommend it to anyone who has read Crusoe, cause that book was pretty long and slow as well and if you liked that you might like this.

Life Lessons: People ship the stupidest things to each other.

Summary: Great movie, great acting, not for everyone.

Would I Watch This Again: Yes, but I need a good year or two between each viewing.

Die Hard

Movie: Die Hard

Main Actors: Bruce Willis, Bruce Willis and BRUCE WILLIS

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: There are a few of them here and there.

Useless Vulgar Language: Lots of these. The best way I can describe it is 1980’s F word usage.

Sex in a Good Light: Not there

Sex in a Bad Light: There is one scene where a naked woman runs from a room when the bad guys bust in on them in the act. When the bad guys crash the party and start going through the rooms, look away until you hear the lady scream.

Manly Violence: Ohhh yes, that was what this movie was about

Action Violence: I didn’t think there was any of this

Pointless Violence: I didn’t think there was any of this either. Just because Bruce Willis is happy and sarcastic when he kills the bad guys and that doesn’t jive with someone’s opinion that it isn’t manly, maybe that other person is just a big sissy.

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: Assorted Hostess snacks as long as you have one with Yellow #5.

Plot Synopsis: Thieves posing as terrorists attempt to rob a vault in a LA skyscraper.

Review: Possibly the quintessential man’s movie. Not because of the violence and the fact that we get to see Bruce Willis kick German butt, but it is the way that Willis handles the situations. When he kills the bad guys (and they are bad guys) he doesn’t get all emotional, he gets sarcastic and heady. And when he is talking to the bad guys on the radio he doesn’t try to get in their heads and understand them, he makes fun of them then tracks then down and beats them up. When he is trying to decide what to do at the beginning of the movie it is fast and simple. They are bad, he is good, they started it, he will end it. We don’t have to sit through any scenes of the bad guys explaining why they are bad guys, or the hero getting emotionally disturbed by the idea of actually standing up for innocent people. This movie follows the same principle as Cliffhanger, a great movie to watch with other guys, but know your girl before you watch it with her.

Life Lessons: Even if you are a German with beautiful long hair, Bruce Willis will still kill you and take your shoes.

Summary: Great movie that reduces things to the lowest denominator, which is what it is usually all about.

Would I Watch This Again: Just try and stop me.

District 9

Movie: District 9

Main Actors: Sharlto Copley and Jason Cope

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Lots of them.

Useless Vulgar Language: Lots as well. They seemed a little awkward sometimes.

Sex in a Good Light: NA

Sex in a Bad Light: NA

Manly Violence: Lots and lots

Action Violence: It could be argued that there was some because of the Alien blaster weapons, but they were used a considerably small amount considering how much they could have been used. I don’t think anything was in this category.

Pointless Violence: Absent

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: If you’re an adventurous eater, maybe some crawdads with butter, or deep fried. But if you are like me and you like your food processed, then maybe fish sticks; you can use scissors and make them look like crawdads

Plot Synopsis: Humans and Aliens try to coexist without really understanding each other in a corrupt corner of the globe.

Review: Great Sci-Fi movie, maybe one of the all time bests, ranking up there with Alien and Inception. On top of the great Sci-Fi story there was a bit of a social commentary that I felt was fair, not over-powering and remarkably well thought out. I’m usually not a fan of getting opinion on my alien movies, but this one fit like a glove. The Aliens were not the smart or super-dangerous ones that we are used to, they are like worker bees, and their technology is just as dangerous in their hands as it is in ours. The Author and Director did a good job of showing how both the controlling and evil sides of human nature can be brought to bear and what impact each of them had. The movie centers on a not-so-smart man that has somehow been put in charge of things he was not mature enough for and he spends most of the movie turning into a giant lobster (Alien). There is some imaginative Alien technology that is used and I would say that overall the movie was a huge success.

Life Lessons: Don’t drink Alien goo and don’t trust fathers-in-law who work for the South African government, both lead to awkward situations.

Summary: Great movie, good acting, good plot and good directing

Would I Watch This Again: Yep, it’s a good movie to have around if you need an Sci-Fi fix.

The Expendables

Movie: The Expendables

Main Actors: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li and Jason Statham

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: There are some, but not quite as many as you might think

Useless Vulgar Language: Just about as much of this as you would expect including one vulgar scene with Bruce Willis that was very very forced.

Sex in a Good Light: Sex wasn’t really a part of this movie

Sex in a Bad Light: The little that was in there was the kind of sexuality you would find in a rough bar, but it was fleeting and I was thankful for that.

Manly Violence: Stupendous, awesome and overflowing with it.

Action Violence: None

Pointless Violence: None

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: C
Story: A
Acting: A-

Food to Watch With: Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and other Miscellaneous Manly Munchies.

Plot Synopsis: Tough guys do some pro-bono work for a small island by blowing half of it up.

Review: Great movie that many people didn’t understand. As with most of Stallone’s movies, the point isn’t what they did or how they did it or how unbelievably cool they looked while doing it. It's who they were during the less intense scenes, how they behaved around each other and how they viewed themselves. The fights and the explosions and all that are just end results of who they are. Watch for the unspoken words and the mannerisms of the characters, they tell you a great deal about what Sly was trying to do and in my opinion he succeeded.

Life Lessons: If your last name is Stallone, odds are that you will not age well; but you will have massive amounts of C-4 at your disposal.

Summary: Great movie with strong but hidden undertones.

Would I Watch This Again: Heck yeah.

Insomnia

Movie: Insomnia

Main Actors: Robin Williams, Hillary Swank and Al Pacino

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: A few real strong ones

Useless Vulgar Language: A lot of real strong ones (It is rated R after all)

Sex in a Good Light: Not really

Sex in a Bad Light: Yes. There is a naked cadaver that they show in a few shots; you don’t miss anything if you look away. Sexual relationships between teenagers are spoken about and a teenage girl flirts with Al Pacino’s character (lol) but he teaches her a lesson and these relationships are not looked upon kindly.

Manly Violence: There are some gun fights and some fist action

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A-

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: A-
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: BBQ Alaskan Salmon with a Caesar salad.

Plot Synopsis: Two LA Detectives are flown up to nowhere Alaska to find a killer in a small depressed town.

Review: When I first saw the cast I laughed. Robin Williams and Al Pacino; that seems like a comedy all by itself. But I read the back of the movie case cover and it seemed interesting; plus Robin Williams can play a good serious role. It was worth it. The Plot was not entirely predictable, the writers placed a lot of metaphors about life that were visualized very well by the camera crews and Al Pacino’s character was very well done. After the first half hour or so I was about to turn it off because it looked like it was going to be another movie about a corrupt detective and I am sick to death of those, but it turned out that they had a few twists and turns and it was more about a detective deciding whether he was a good or a bad cop while Robin Williams tries to convince him that he is neither, they both just are what they are and things are not really their fault. A movie that finally deals with the idea that there actually is a difference between the good guys and the bad guys even when it seems like there isn’t. I loved it.

Life Lessons: There is a difference between good guys and bad guys based on motivation and Robin Williams is lighter on his feet the Pacino

Summary: Great movie with a well thought out plot if you’re in the mood for something serious.

Would I Watch This Again: Yes

Legion

Movie: Legion

Main Actors: Dennis Quaid and Paul Bettany

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: A couple

Useless Vulgar Language: A lot of it. I got the feeling they were trying to tell you right up front that this was not a Christian movie (which is wasn’t) by putting very strong curse words in very random situations up front, then they petered off towards the end once they thought there point was made.

Sex in a Good Light: Nope

Sex in a Bad Light: Movie was devoid of Sex.

Manly Violence: This movie is a hard one. Yes, there was Manly Violence, but it wasn’t the standard kind. Whenever you pit Natural vs. Supernatural things can get confusing to those who don’t know what they believe

Action Violence: Not really

Pointless Violence: Yes, there was some of this as well. The makers of the movie seemed to want to paint some of the Angels (who were possessing others) as demonic, and sometimes would cross the line from Manly to Pointless. Fortunetly there is not much of this and when they do it is only a blip on the radar. For example, the “angel possessed” people tend to be a bit zombie-like. Zombie violence generally finds its home in Action and Pointless violence and it seemed to be an unnecessary thing to do to tell the story, but more on that later.

Manly Rating: B

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: C
Story: B
Acting: B

Food to Watch With: Get some of your favorite Diner food to go, make sure it has lots of grease and follow it up with some ice-cream.

Plot Synopsis: God loses faith in mankind and decides to use his Angels to exterminate us poor vermin.

Review: If you saw a preview for this movie you know what it is about. An angel, Michael, comes down to earth and tries to protect a child from the angels of heaven, sent by God to kill us all. First, my thoughts on the movie from a productions standpoint. This will not be winning any awards that’s for sure. This movie had more plot holes than Jurassic Park and some of the verbal interactions between the actors were forced at best. That said, I’m going to tell you what I thought was the catalyst of this movie. Remember, this is my opinion only. I think some guy in Hollywood got some idea about angels in his head that he thought was pretty cool and in order to put it on screen he put a story around it, it didn’t have to be a good story, or a Christian based story (because who says angels have to belong to Christians), it just had to allow them to show what they wanted to, show what they thought would be cool to see onscreen. The result was saddening to me on two levels. First, it was sad to see God’s story warped and manipulated in such a gruesome and revolting manner. Secondly, I felt sadness that more Christians do not see angels in the same light. This movie showed angels as they are mentioned in the Bible, as messengers and soldiers of God.

Soldiers!

Soldiers!!!!

SOLDIERS!!!!!

Take from that what you will, or for further discussion on this subject visit my blog.


Life Lessons: Michael can kick Gabriel’s butt.

Summary: Worth watching for the discussions it will create, but nothing more.

Would I Watch This Again: Once was enough.

The Lord of the Rings (Complete Trilogy)

Movie: Lord of the Rings (The Complete Trilogy)

Main Actors: Sean Astin, Orlando Bloom, Ian McKellan, Viggo Mortenson, Elijah Wood and many many more.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (for all three movies)

Passionate Expressions: There were some in fantasy languages

Useless Vulgar Language: None.

Sex in a Good Light: Sex wasn’t in this movie. But intimate relationships were portrayed well.

Sex in a Bad Light: Not in this movie

Manly Violence: There is a lot of this and it came in many different forms. Manly, Elfly, Dwarfly, Hobbitly and other random creaturesly.

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A+
Visual Effects: A+
Sound/Score: A+
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Lots of Ale and Beef. Unless of course you are an evil-doer in which case you should eat some Maggoty Bread.

Plot Synopsis: In a fantasy world an evil lord tries to obtain dominance over the land.

Review: JRR Tolkien’s masterpiece is brought to cinematic life by Peter Jackson in a way that surpassed many people’s, including my own, expectations. In response to the player-haters out there who keep pointing out that a lot was left out from the book I only have one thing to say. Shut up you whiny whiners. The scope was great, the respect to the original work was refreshing and the attention to detail was exceptional. Watching the actors grow together over the extended amount of time they had to spend together was especially evident in the third movie, particularly between Frodo and Sam. I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this review because I don’t really have anything new to offer on these movies that everyone hasn’t felt already. But, if you haven’t seen these movies, go out and see them, you will not be disappointed.

Life Lessons: Gandalf = Awesome

Summary: Watch these movies.

Would I Watch This Again: I do a Lord of the Rings Marathon every year. I’m hoping that they are re-released on the big screen in 3D.

Man on Fire

Movie: Man on Fire

Main Actors: Denzel Washington and Dakota Fanning

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: There were a lot of these. There was a lot of pain inflicted on people during this movie

Useless Vulgar Language: Some of this as well, although mostly in Spanish.

Sex in a Good Light: There is a sensual scene between and husband and wife, but…

Sex in a Bad Light: They show a little too much and I think they just did it to show Radha Mitchell in a bra. Don’t look and don’t worry you won’t miss anything.

Manly Violence: There is a lot of this in the movie, very graphic and close up.

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Certainly not

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: C+
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Tacos with all the fixings

Plot Synopsis: Small girl is kidnapped and her bodyguard will stop at nothing to get her back.

Review: I love, love, love this movie. There is so much truth to it that it hurts to watch it. Denzel Washington plays a man who has been a violent man (for the US Military) and has lost his faith in everything and predictably gets depressed. A friend gets him a job as a bodyguard for a little American girl in Mexico and little by little she brings him back to hope and purpose and he even starts reading the Bible. The first half of the movie, when this transformation is taking place, was good enough to be its own film.  It’s believable, well acted and thought out. Eventually the small girl gets kidnapped and Denzel starts looking for her himself after it seems that no one else will help. While the first half of this film may be heartwarming the second half is not. Denzel goes on a rampage trying to find the girl, killing and maiming people who were involved or are in his way. Just because it has Dakota Fanning in it does not mean that your kids or wife will want to see this movie, watch it first so that you can help people determine if it is a good movie for them. All I’ll say is that if more men acted this way when their family was threatened by evil the world would be a different place.

Life Lessons: There ARE many evil people in the world, don’t let them get away with it.

Summary: Great movie that I think fathers should watch

Would I Watch This Again: YES!

The Mummy

Movie: The Mummy

Main Actors: Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: There is some of this

Useless Vulgar Language: There is some of that

Sex in a Good Light: Nothing to speak of

Sex in a Bad Light: Considering that the whole point of the movie was to contain an evil that existed because of infidelity which led to murder, yes, there is some of this. A good deal of “why does she even have anything on at all” scenes, fortunately there were mostly contained in the beginning and there is a narrator so you don’t have watch something that is there to make your mind wonder.

Manly Violence: A good deal of this violence with that special Brendan Fraser flair

Action Violence: Yes, there is a lot of this as well, it is a world destruction movie after all

Pointless Violence: None of this

Manly Rating: B+

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: B
Acting: A-

Food to Watch With: A Big Mac cause it just feels right

Plot Synopsis: Evil Egyptian Magician comes back from the dead as a mummy and tries to take over the world and Brendan Fraser's girlfriend

Review: Let me preface this by saying that I was young when I first saw this movie and I had a crush on Rachel Weisz so I thought it was the “greatest movie ever made”. I have since downgraded that rating to “one of the greatest movies ever made”. Sure, there is no amazing acting and I don’t think that anyone who ever watched it cried. There were no Oscars awarded and I don't doubt if you ask kids today about it they would have no idea what you were talking about. But……that was not what this movie was intended to be. Not all movies try to be the year's best films, sometimes they just try to be exactly what they are. And in this case it was an Indiana Jonesish action-comedy/romantic comedy that could be viewed as silly or awesome depending on your age or maturity. I mean, come on, it's Brendan Fraser and he’s killing mummies.

Life Lessons: It takes all of ancient Egypt’s dark magic to condemn the world to darkness, but it only takes one American with a six shooter to make things right.

Summary: Great movie that is fun for most of the family (it is a PG-13 film)

Would I Watch This Again: absolutely

Pitch Black

Movie: Pitch Black

Main Actors: Vin Diesel, Radha Mitchell and Cole Hauser

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: There are some of these

Useless Vulgar Language: Not as many of these as I was expecting, the ones that were there were used as catchphrases.

Sex in a Good Light: There is very little sex in this movie

Sex in a Bad Light: Some sexually charged scenes, but nothing that is worth mentioning.

Manly Violence: A good amount of this

Action Violence: Surprisingly not much of this because most of the movie takes place in the dark. What a great way to save on your special effects budget

Pointless Violence: Also not much, the gore was turned way down from what I was expecting. Still, it is a movie about killer aliens so watcher beware.

Manly Rating: B

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: Wine and Cheese.

Plot Synopsis: A passenger spaceship that is also carrying a murderer crashes on a planet with killer aliens that only come out at night

Review: This is an awesome Sci-Fi movie. Good story, driven plot-line, enough side stories to keep it interesting but not enough to overwhelm it. First time I saw Vin Diesel act and I thought he was awesome. The writers did a good job making it a bit more then a pure action movie by having all the characters react in different ways to their situation and were smart enough to not have all of them act like idiots. I found the performances and ideas portrayed believable and I was happy to see that the crooked cop was not actually a cop but a Merk. There was a little bit of confusion surrounding Vin Diesel's character; is he good, is he bad and I think this was intentional. I think their goal with his character was to make him mysterious and a bit scary (even if you don’t know why) and they succeeded. Overall, good Sci-Fi movie that was made for men.

Life Lessons: Beware muscular bald men with goggles and always know who you are messing with.

Summary: Great movie that is fun to watch at night in the dark.

Would I Watch This Again: Absolutely

The Princess Bride

Movie: The Princess Bride

Main Actors: Cary Elwes and Robin Wright

MPAA Rating: PG

Passionate Expressions: I don’t think their were any

Useless Vulgar Language: There was one time, the kid uses the Lord's name in vain.

Sex in a Good Light: I think that there was but any of this was a very small part of the story

Sex in a Bad Light: Maybe the line “It will be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night” could be considered in this category, but I’m inclined to not think so.

Manly Violence: Yep, even though it was all sarcastic, it was manly

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: A BLT, unless you can get your hands on Mutton, then a MLT sandwich.

Plot Synopsis: Evil prince tries to kill his future bride in order to start a war. “It’s a prestigious line of work, with a long and glorious tradition.”

Review: I know what some of you are thinking. I thought this was a site about manly movies. Yes it is. And sometimes manly movies need to be more romantic so we can watch them with our significant others. And sometimes they are so good and so funny that they become American classics; like this one has. If you are having a hard time seeing past the fact that you think this is a girly movie then maybe you should go look at my blog, cause you need to mellow out man. What you watch doesn’t determine your manliness but it does provide clues to your morality. Anyway, the movie is awesome and full of so many one liners and quotes that you can continue to enjoy it with your fiends during random social event. So, instead of giving you a play by play, I’ll give you my favorite quote then you can go and find your own. “He’s to late, see….The Cliffs of Insanity!!”

Life Lessons: "You can not track the bonds of love, not with a thousand bloodhounds and you can not break it, not with a thousand swords."

Summary: Great movie that should never be lost to American Society.

Would I Watch This Again: Yep, Absolutely.

Robin Hood (2010)

Movie: Robin Hood (2010)

Main Actors: Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett and William Hurt

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: None to really speak of.

Useless Vulgar Language: Can’t remember if there was any of this, but I don’t think so.

Sex in a Good Light: A little bit of this. When the film is dealing with Robin and Marian it respects the boundries as they are not married.

Sex in a Bad Light: There is implied promiscuity done by Little John and other Merry men. Also, Prince john fools around with a French princess while his wife listens at the door. The excuse for this is that she is barren (because it is obviously always the girls fault). There is some nudity centered around John.

Manly Violence: All of the violence in this movie was manly violence. Correction: AWESOME MANLY VIOLENCE.

Action Violence: None existent

Pointless Violence: Non-existent.

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: Any kind of animal as long as it is served in large meaty chunks..

Plot Synopsis: The legend of Robin Hood is born as an Englishman returns from the war and discovers injustices done to his fellow citizens.

Review: Ridley Scott has a great way of bringing history to life. He spends a lot of time on the details (especially details of ancient wars and fighting styles) while still adding an element of humor to the mix. This movie is not the typical Robin Hood movie and is thankfully not like the awful “Prince of Thieves” Costner movie. Instead it attempts to give a historical, even if still made up, account of the creation of Robin Hood. From political treason, castle sacking, beach landings and stirring speeches this one has it all and more. Russell Crowe does a great job portraying a warrior who does what he does because he is a soldier and a good man (not because people have to force him). If you haven’t seen this movie do, but don’t expect that standard Robin Hood. This was filmed more like a cross between Gladiator and Kingdom of Heaven.

Life Lessons: This movie is jam packed with them. But I think the one that stood out to me the most was that no matter who does the movie and what their motivation is, Friar Tuck will always be a fat drunk guy, and we will always love him.

Summary: Great movie that gets it right. Robin Hood is not a story about robbing the rich to feed the poor. It has always been a story about taking power from Government and giving it to the people.

Would I Watch This Again: As soon as I get the chance.

Saving Private Ryan

Movie: Saving Private Ryan

Main Actors: Tom Hanks and Matt Damon

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Oh my goodness there are a lot of these

Useless Vulgar Language: There are a few here and there, but they barely make this category as everything is filmed within the context of constant conflict

S in a Good Light: There wasn’t any sex in this movie

S in a Bad Light: Still no sex

Manly Violence: This movie portrays some of the most Manly Violence in History, so yes, it is in there. Those WWII veterans are not poor men who are ruined forever who should be pitied as a lot of wimps out there would like us to believe. These men are heroes. Heroes who deserve as much praise as we can give them before they are all gone from this earth.

Action Violence: None

Pointless Violence: None

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: A roast beef sandwich.

Plot Synopsis: A small team of Rangers is sent to find Private Ryan and bring him home to his mother when all of his brothers are killed in action.

Review: It is hard to write a review for a movie that shows war with such honesty because how can one review a war. While the story is not true and a lot of events were thrown together to give the movie a consistent flow, the ideas and realizations that were had are. I will say one thing. Don’t watch this movie and approach a WWII veteran with the idea that you now know what he’s been through. Don’t be that guy. Just thank him and buy him a beer weather he can drink it or not.

Life Lessons: There are a lot of them in here, to many to be put into this review. Watch the movie, discuss it with others and don’t take what you have for granted.

Summary: EPIC!

Would I Watch This Again: Yes, I would watch it as often as I get the chance.

Starship Troopers

Movie: Starship Troopers

Main Actors: Casper Van Dien, Dina Meyer, Denise Richards and Neil Patrick Harris (really, it’s Neil Patrick Harris)

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: Lots and lots of them. Wouldn’t you have some if you were about to be killed or ripped apart by giant insects.

Useless Vulgar Language: Not as much as you might think.

S in a Good Light: Nope

S in a Bad Light: Yes there is, naked showering and a sex scene. They did seem to keep it short and not during anything important so you have just enough time to check to see if you have any new emails.

Manly Violence: Wall to wall manly and insectly violence.

Action Violence: Not really

Pointless Violence: Yes. I’m going to get lots and lots of grief over this but I don’t believe in females being in the military, not in the combat roles anyway. So any scene of violence that was in here and a woman got killed or hurt I would list under pointless violence because in my humble opinion they shouldn’t have been there anyway. Not that women shouldn't pick up a weapon and defend house and home, but...i think you get my drift. Also, there were some scenes where the violence was a little gratuitous, where it moved from story telling to – lets see if we can have a scene about brains being sucked out cause that would be cool – kind of violence.

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: C
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: A- (I know, surprising, right)
Story: A-
Acting: B-

Food to Watch With: Hmmm, a tough one if you are squeamish about insects, which I am, so I would recommend bland food like Roman noodles or a large order of KFC mashed potatoes with a bottle of Pepto-Bismol close at hand.

Plot Synopsis: Space bugs destroy Buenos Aires and the Humans decided to exterminate the ugly things.

Review: Another good Sci-Fi flick that was good for reasons that are not the norm. All in all, the major story line was pretty standard as far as Sci-Fi goes. Giant war: man vs. Insect. At first glance it might actually be seen as a B-level flick but fortunately the producers elevated it to something more. The real genius of this film was in the mix of comedy and sacrifice. One of the major themes throughout the movie was about the military dictatorship that ruled the human race. The commercials, the propaganda and the way they showed everyday life was hilarious. I love the US Military, and someone captured what the US Military would be like if it was in charge of the planet to a T. You might think I’m bashing what they showed, but I’m not. I loved it. Not saying we should go that route, but they took what was intrinsically good about the military but is usually misunderstood and forced you to come to terms with it and accept it (if you were going to like the movie that is).

Life Lessons: If you have small tactical nukes, maybe you should use them more often. Also, don’t ask Drill Instructors stupid questions.

Summary: It is a movie that delivers what it says it will and more.

Would I Watch This Again: Yes, I like it more each time I do.

Taken

Movie: Taken

Main Actors: Liam Neeson

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (There are other versions of this movie, I’m only doing a review of the one that was mass released in the US that was PG-13)

Passionate Expressions: Yes, but they don’t go overboard

Useless Vulgar Language: Some times the bad guys delved into this category, but lets face it, they are BAD GUYS.

Sex in a Good Light: Not in this movie

Sex in a Bad Light: They could have gotten into this, and I don’t know if they did in other versions; but no, it was not in this one.

Manly Violence: Yep, and lots of it

Action Violence: Nope

Pointless Violence: Nope

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: B
Sound/Score: B
Story: A+
Acting: A

Food to Watch With: Have yourself a good old BBQ, whatever meat you want.

Plot Synopsis: An American girl is kidnapped in Paris and her ex-CIA father goes to get her back.

Review: Great movie. I’m usually all for showing things how they really are but it was nice of them to create one that pretty much does that while at the same time keeping it PG-13. This is one that you might be able to watch with your wife (if she is sensitive to violence I would still recommend watching it first yourself and determining if she would like it) and maybe with your teenager. This movie was basically the same idea as Man on Fire just toned down a little bit and you get to listen to Liam Neeson say things. The whole thing was acted and filmed well and there was only 1 time where I felt like he attained super-hero status (I was sure there was one time where he got shot in the back but he just walks it off because he is Liam Neeson and that’s what he does) and the movie made some great points about the world not being a safe place and American’s in particular being very blind to what is right outside our doors.

Life Lessons: He has played god, Aslan, Titan and pretty much every other diety, I’m pretty sure he can kick anybodies butt.

Summary: Great movie with good points that you usually only get in an R rated movie

Would I Watch This Again: I am planning on doing so soon.

Tangled

Movie: Tangled

Main Actors: Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi

MPAA Rating: PG

Passionate Expressions: None

Useless Vulgar Language: None

S in a Good Light: A first kiss

S in a Bad Light: Non-existent

Manly Violence: There is some cartoon violence and most of it is centered around comedy

Action Violence: Didn’t see any

Pointless Violence: Definitely not

Manly Rating: A

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A
Story: A+
Acting (Voice): A

Food to Watch With: If you are watching with your kids probably nothing, if you are watching with your significant other have some kind of romantic treat to share.

Plot Synopsis: The story of Repunzel (the girl with the long hair)

Review: I always go into a John Lassiter movie wondering if this will be the time that he messes up, if this will be the time that Disney gets the better of him and he makes something like “Sharks” or “Shrek”. But, just like every other time, I left the theater feeling like I had just seen something special. This movie, like most of the movies he makes, tends to be able to be viewed by two different audiences. Kids (of course) and Adults (mostly couples). He can make the film appeal to adults without trying to put crude jokes in the dialog and hope the kids don’t understand it and he can make it appeal to kids without throwing so much movement, color and all out chaos that they act like they just ate an entire box of Rice Crispy Treats cereal (yes it does exist and yes it is delicious). The best way I can sum up a Lassiter film is to borrow a saying from my wife, “He treats kids like small adults”. The movie was full of comedy, had a strong sense of adventure and was one of the most…..correction…WAS the most romantic movie of 2010. I’m not going to tell you about the movie cause I don’t want to take away anything from the experience of seeing it for yourself.

Life Lessons: Throughout the movie there were many talking points that you can have conversations with your kids about among which are: Lying, Deception, Selfishness, Manipulation, Kidnapping and Sadness.

Summary: Great movie that I will be buying as soon as it is available on DVD

Would I Watch This Again: It would be a sure bet that I will.