Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Movie: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Main Actors: James Franko and Andy Serkis

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Passionate Expressions: A few, nothing to really speak of.

Useless Vulgar Language: Again, language was not a big deal in this movie, there was very little script at all in point of fact.

Sex in a Good Light: Except for a young couple lying on a picnic blanket there was no sex in this movie.

Sex in a Bad Light: Right back at ya!

Manly Violence: Okay. I'm going to get some grief for this, but yes. There was manly violence, most done by monkey. I know, I know. Monkeys are not men...but this is a sci-fi movie and monkeys...ouch, ouch, ouch okay, okay...apes; the apes were given super-cool looking chemicals to become smarter so you have to view it through the context of intelligent beings. And, through that lens, there was manly violence.

Action Violence: Surprisingly enough, I don't think there was.

Pointless Violence: Nope.

Manly Rating: B+ (who would've thought)

Scorecard
Cinematography: B
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: B
Story: B+
Acting: Franko = B, Serkis = A+

Food to Watch With: COOKIES!!!!

Plot Synopsis: Apes become smart, get ticked off and begin their ascention to the top of the food chain 'cause Charlton Heston isn't around to lay the smack down.

Review: I went into this movie with low expectations. The re-make of the original Planet of the Apes with Mark Wahlberg was so terrible and creepy (yes creepy, he kisses an ape) that I wanted to eat five Big Macs (and maybe some fries) to fill the gaping hole of sadness inside me. I had some hope that this would be better as Serkis was going to be doing the main ape roles and boy did he deliver. Franko did his usual job, nothing super great, but not bad and I was surprised to see John Lithgow and David Hewlett (from Stargate Atlantis); but, Serkis stole the show. Most of the movie was focused on the Apes and it was done very well. The movie was kept at a small scale, there was no massive world war, just the start of smart apes and a corresponding virus that will kill everybody. All in all, good movie. Good to see in the theater, but also just as good to see at home on your TV while being in close proximity to the fridge.
The only thing that I was a little upset about was they let some little punk kid say Heston's famous line from the original; that was not cool.

Life Lessons: Maybe Los Angeles should buy more police helicopters.

Summary: Good movie, worth watching and entertaining.

Would I Watch This Again: Does Heston think apes are dirty?

Kick Ass

Movie: Kick Ass

Main Actors: Aaron Johnson, Chloe Moretz and Nicolas Cage

MPAA Rating: R (deserved)

Passionate Expressions: Yes, lots of this. It is touchy with this movie, trying to determine what was needed and what wasn’t. There were bad men in this movie, there was a little girl as well. I think I will say that most of it was passionate but..

Useless Vulgar Language: Some did go over the top. Viewer be warned there is a young girl in this movie that is the source of some of the roughest language. I will say that it is consistent with the story, her situation and what was trying to be portrayed.

Sex in a Good Light: Not really

Sex in a Bad Light: There are some scenes that could have been left out. There is one nude scene when the main character goes to the National Geographic web site and there is some near nudity and teenage sexual relationships.

Manly Violence: All of it.

Action Violence: Nope, it was all manly

Pointless Violence: Nope again. This movie was NINJA!

Manly Rating: A+

Scorecard
Cinematography: A
Visual Effects: A
Sound/Score: A+
Story: A+
Acting: A+

Food to Watch With: Fried Chicken and a milkshake (I don’t have to tell you why, its my review and I’ll write what I want).

Plot Synopsis: Young man tries to become the world’s first super-hero.

Review: This movie touched so many areas. If I was trying to describe what the movie was about I would say it is Batman if it was done for real. If I’m trying to describe what this movie was meant to portray I’m sure Christians would be in fist fights in the streets. However, because I enjoy fist fights I will try to describe it anyway. To understand why they filmed this movie with so much violence and language I think a clear understanding of movie good guys and bad guys is needed. You can find my report on them here. Anyway, now that you have read my super-long spiel about good and bad guys I will continue my review. Yes, there is a lot of cursing and violence in this movie. But, when good and evil fight each other it usually isn’t an intellectual fight. I don’t want to give any of the movie away to anyone who is going to watch it, I will only say a couple things. This movie is awesome, it is sad, it is painfully honest and it has crap in it that it didn’t need. Watch with caution, know what you believe and pay attention to the message.


Life Lessons: A neoprene suit does not a super-hero make.

Summary: Awesome movie……just awesome.

Would I Watch This Again: Without a doubt.

Friends With Benefits

Movie: Friends With Benefits

Main Actors: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake

MPAA Rating: R

Passionate Expressions: I didn't see this movie.

Useless Vulgar Language: Honestly, I didn't see it.

Sex in a Good Light: I doubt it.

Sex in a Bad Light: I'm pretty sure that is what this movie is about.

Manly Violence: I don't think Timberlake is capable of manly violence, maybe Kunis is though.

Action Violence: Maybe

Pointless Violence: Probebly not

Manly Rating: F-

Scorecard
Cinematography: NA
Visual Effects: NA
Sound/Score: NA
Story: F
Acting: NA

Food to Watch With: Stay home and have dinner with friends or your wife instead.

Plot Synopsis: Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake do thier own version of "Love and Other Drugs" and "No Strings Attached" to prove to everyone they are just as slutty.

Review: I can hear it now. "You didn't see this movie, how can you judge it". All those dudes out there who are like, "I went to see it cause Kunis is a great actress." or "There was a story behind it, a love story, which you wouldn't know because you didn't see it." Well, I'm going to have the toss the bull**** card your way. That's like saying you go to Hooters for the wings (I cannot tell you how many times I've heard that), its stupid, dis-honest and insulting. Kunis might be a great actress, and who knows, there might be an okay story hidden in there. But that "good" story was not why they made this movie, that is not what they advertised and that is not what people went to see. The obvious point of this movie was sex and sex and sex without consequence. Shame on the studio for producing the movie, shame on the actors for being in it and shame on you if you went to see it. If you didn't go see it for the obvious reasons, try to keep others from going and keep up the good fight staying away from these things. Also, to those that did go: those weren't Kunis's boobs, they were a doubles so you lose twice. Losers.

Life Lessons: If you went to this movie, your life lesson is that you need Jesus.

Summary: I think I've summed it up pretty good

Top 10 Worst Romantic Movies since 1980

Top 10 Worst Romantic Movies since 1980

1. Titanic
2. Pearl Harbor
3. Love and Other Drugs
4. Dear John
5. Friends With Benefits
6. Pretty Woman
7. My Best Friends Wedding
8. Somethings Gotta Give
9. Wedding Crashers
10. Good Luck Chuck

Top 10 Romantic Movies since 1980

Top 10 Best Romantic Movies since 1980

1. Sleepless in Seattle
2. Return to Me
3. You’ve Got Mail
4. A Walk to Remember
5. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
6. While you were sleeping
7. The Princess Bride
8. Up
9. Sabrina
10. My Big Fat Greek Wedding